Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bald is beautiful, again...........plus a diffiuclt update
Well, some of you might be wondering what I am looking like these days and so here I am, this is a very recent photo. As promised, the radiation has caused 100 percent hair loss........ so it's completely bald again for me. To be honest, I didn't expect to leave the whole breast cancer treatment scene with hair, so it isn't really a big deal. Plus, a little comfort that the radiation is doing what it is supposed to be doing!
I am feeling quite fine these days, and thanks to my web of support, I am able to enjoy every minute of every day quite well. I am not exaggerating when I say that I can't wait for each new day to begin.
I had an oncologist appointment this week at which we were to discuss chemo, and whether or not it could bring me any benefit. Well, the time has come, and my oncologist does NOT feel like he can offier me very much via chemo, either through time, and definitely NOT through quality of life. It wasn't exactly new news, but still hit kind of hard, as this was kind of the final bridge to be crossed in decision making related to my active cancer treatment.
SO.... what this means is that I have decided that it is time to stop active treatment. I do have a very high level of trust in my oncologist, and I would want all my family and friends know that he has known my goals (more time even if it is chemo time) right from the start and has been both respectful and cooperative towards that end.
The focus of my care now becomes comfort. I will have any treatment that would improve my care and treatment, but nothing aimed primariy for stopping the cancer. And so, the time I have been given by the palliative radiation is the time I have. And that, as we all know is a mystery that none of us can begin to guess at, but of course, I can't help hoping for the most there can be, life is just too darn good to leave.
It's yet more emotional adjustment for the family, but I would say that everyone, kids, my parents, siblings etc... are all graceful and very focused on helping me. It is humbling, but also it is so nice that I cannot utter one thing except my love and gratitude.
I'm getting questions about visits again. This is a very tough call, because I must budget my energy with care and I would please ask you to check with my mom or Gord or myself. My energy is very limited, and especially when the kids are all home, Ifeel that my time must be their's.
I usually am very good with short phone calls now, I seem to have regained my strength for that, although and email or snail mail is ALWAYS managable. Email is the very easiast and so far, I get from my bed to desk pretty easily.
I send lots of love to all you, my wonderful friends and family, without you over these several years, I simply don't know what I would have done. Joanne